KERRY KARDBOARD KONCLUSION

Senate super-committee discovers cause for cardboard shortage.

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UNILEVER REDEFINES LIGHT

Giant food conglomerate makes food healthier.

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CLINTON CONGRATULATES CAIN

Former President may endorse Republican hopeful.

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SARA LEE SNAGS SAVIOUR

Sara Lee hires Epstein away from Cubs.

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WHITE HOUSE WAR PLANS

Current crisis to test President’s leadership skills.

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PREZ PROMOTES PREZ

PREZ PROMOTES PREZ

Former President endorses President Obama.

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CARDBOARD SHORTAGE

President hints that shortage might forestall world-wide economic recovery.

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QUAID GETS MOVIE DEAL

Randy Quaid to star in movie that will reboot beloved series.

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KISS PLANS ANNIVERSARY TOUR

The hottest band in the land plans to hit the road again!

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FCC FINES REGUS

The Federal Communications Commission (FCC) has fined Regus plc for false advertising.

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