For Duty And Humanity

For the second time in twelve months NBC is forced to find a new host for the Tonight Show.

Jay Leno has announced that he is leaving the Tonight Show, where he has reigned as America’s favorite comic for almost twenty years, and is moving to CNN to replace Larry King.

CNN’s ratings, which desperately depend on military campaigns and natural disasters, have been on a downward spiral for months. CNN was disappointed that ratings did not improve with its 24-hour coverage of the BP Gulf oil spill.

Larry King’s ratings have also dropped due to the general lack of viewership at CNN. Even his supposed divorce from his fifteenth wife failed to generate any interest in his show.

Mr. Ted Thorau, Vice President of Media at CNN, stated that

“Picking Jay Leno to replace Larry is not really that far-fetched. Jay has plenty of experience interviewing politicians and other news makers. We expect that his hard-hitting interview style will pump up our ratings in much the same way that he increased the ratings after his triumphant return to the Tonight Show. We have also discussed taking his Jay Walking skit to the U.S. Congress. We feel that answers given by the members of The Congress and The Senate will be even more hysterical (although no more intelligent) than the the answers given by normal people. ”

Although NBC has not officially made any comments on a replacement for Jay, one highly placed source stated that the short list of candidates includes Lindsay Lohan, former Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich, and former ABC newsman Ted Koppel.

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