Posts Tagged ‘ Chicago ’

MAYORAL BATTLE ROYAL

City chooses unique way to crown next mayor and solve budget crisis[ READ MORE ]

CHICAGO CALAMITOUS CATASTROPHE

The City of Chicago is preparing for a catastrophe of calamitous proportions[ READ MORE ]

RAHM AND JESSE: THE NEW CAPONE AND MORAN

Are Rahm Emanuel and Jesse Jackson, Jr. plotting to split control of Chicago[ READ MORE ]

RAHM RUNS

Rahm Emanuel to run back to Chicago to replace Mayor Daley[ READ MORE ]

OBAMA TO RUN FOR MAYOR

CNN has reported that President Obama has already geared up the White House staff for his next campaign. Unfortunately CNN is erroneously reporting that it his campaign will be for a second term as President. Mr. Obama has actually decided to campaign against incumbent Richard Daley for Mayor of Chicago. According to a White House [ READ MORE ]

CITY SCHOOLS REACH UNIVERSITY LEVEL

Mayor Richard M. Daley (D-Chicago) held a press conference to announce that the city’s magnet schools are educating at the university level. The schools are so good, that parents are using their clout (which was invented by the Mayor’s father) to get their children admitted to the schools. “If it’s good enough for the University [ READ MORE ]

CHICAGO INVADES WISCONSIN

Fresh from its victory in stealing land from Elk Grove Village, the City of Chicago (D-IL) has decided to expand its domain by taking the highly unusual step of annexing a town in another state! The target in question is Mount Horeb, a village of 6,600 people approximately 40 miles west of Madison, WI. This [ READ MORE ]

CHICAGO CUTS CATSUP

In the most significant legislation since the 2006 foie gras law, the Chicago City Council has voted to make the sale, use, or possession of ketchup (also known as catsup) a felony punishable by up to ten years in prison, twenty years for repeat offenders. Alderman Ricky ‘Red Fingers’ Heinz, the council’s gastronomical enforcer and [ READ MORE ]

COUNTY LEGALIZES CORRUPTION

Cook, the largest county in the state of Illinois, and home to more corrupt politicians per capita than anywhere in the United States, has taken the unprecedented step of proposing a law to legalize all forms of political corruption, including bribes, kickbacks, patronage hiring, nepotism, and the selling of open elected positions. At a press [ READ MORE ]

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